Traditional Herero Wedding

Imagine a weekend-long campout with all of your favorite people. That's about the simplest way I can describe a traditional Herero wedding. 😄 On the Friday, everybody started trickling into the bride's village throughout the day. Those on the bride's side set up their tents around the main house. The groom and the groom's guests set up their camps a little distance away. Guests are not allowed to cross over and visit those on the other side, at least not yet.

I had only arrived back in the country at about 2:30 Friday afternoon. I quickly got cleaned up, unpacked and repacked my suitcase, then was out of the house by 5:00 to go pick up my suits and those people I was giving a lift. I had no idea where we were going, so we convoyed up with another car. However, they proceeded to stop at every town along the way, and one guy even stopped to get a haircut at 9:30 at night. 🤦 We finally arrived at the village at 12:30am, but still found most people awake and chilling around the fire. In the bright moonlight, we found a nice tree next to the riverbed where we set up camp.

The first 'event' on Saturday morning was the bride's family bringing us a small cow to feed the groom and his guests. They led it with a rope tied to one of its back legs. Ordinarily I was told they just let it go and we would have to catch it, but this family was very gracious and they just handed over the rope. The guys then held it down and slaughtered it. They had gathered a certain kind of branches on which they laid out the pieces to dry before they were cooked.

Next up, we exchanged some of the meat. The bride's family brought us a rack of ribs, and we sent them back ribs with a shoulder. This is supposed to symbolize how in Genesis 2 the woman was made from a rib of the man.

At this point, all the groomsmen were told to suit up, because we never knew when the bride's family would call for us. A little while later, after they had cooked the meat, they called, so us groomsmen escorted the groom from our camp to the bride's house. We all surrounded the groom and walked very slowly with our heads down from the gate of their yard up to the front door of their house. He went inside alone and they ate the rib together. Afterward, we met him at the front door and escorted him back with the same slow walk.

By now everyone else was starting to put on their fancy wedding attire in preparation for the main event. Naturally, this provided for plenty of photo ops.

The traditional Herero dress for women incorporates both the Victorian influence of the original missionaries as well as their livestock culture. The headdress, called otjikaiva (pronounced oshi-kai-va), is patterned after cow horns. Their dresses are bulked up by many underlayers and a padding on the back side. When wearing the dress they are supposed to walk slowly, with almost a little waddle that mimics how cattle walk.

Meanwhile, the men all wear hats and carry a "stick" (a cane). The groom wears a white scarf underneath his hat to distinguish him from the other men. For the groomsmen, our sticks couldn't touch the ground all weekend.

In the Herero tradition, the bride is shut up in a room in her family's house for days before the wedding. No one actually sees her except her few attendants helping her with food and getting dressed. She even wears a thick veil over her head and she's not supposed to look at or speak with anyone. The main event on Saturday afternoon is the only time she actually comes out. She was entirely surrounded by her 18 bridesmaids. Still covered with her veil, she clung to the back of the lady walking in front of her, so still no one saw much of her. All the women stood in a crescent around the campfire singing exuberantly, while all the men sat in the shade and watched. Led by some elder ladies stomping and singing, the bridal party paraded very slowly around the fire, then returned to the house. The whole process took all of 15 minutes.

Then a few elder ladies from the groom's side came and took a piece of meat from the bride's family's pot. This symbolizes that the families are now together. Only after this are guests from each side allowed to mingle with those in the other camp.

After this, everybody just chills around their campfires, eating, drinking, dancing, smoking, playing games, or whatever they do. Then late at night, around 11pm or so, the groomsmen once again escort the groom to the bride's house. They "sneak" him into the bride's room where the two will spend the night laying fully clothed next to each other in the same bed. An older auntie or grandmother is nearby as a bit of a 'chaperone.' Then before sunrise, around 4am or so, the groomsmen go back and "sneak" him out. I put sneak in quotes because it's part of the pomp and ceremony. Everyone knows it's happening. It's part of the tradition.

Then on Sunday morning "we go get our wife." The Herero culture is more communalistic than individualistic. So the bride's family is giving their daughter to be part of the groom's family. That's why they use the plural, now she is "ours" as in, part of our family.

The whole groom's party parades over to the bride's house in their cars. Most wait outside while a small group of family members escort the groom inside the house where the elders give their last words of advice to the new couple.

As the new couple exits the house together for the first time, still surrounded with their heads down, the wife still covered in her veil against the back of a woman in front of her, now the party ensues. There is exuberant shouting, singing, and dancing as everyone crowds around them on the way back to the cars. The couple gets into the back seat of a nice truck and then we parade, honking our car horns, back to the groom's tent. And now they're married!

Now he will take her back to his family village, but for us the party is over. We pack up camp and head back home hoping to get enough sleep before Monday morning comes way too early. 😂