Hospitality can be one of the most confusing and misunderstood cultural differences mostly because we don’t expect it to be different. We expect everyone to do hospitality in the same way we do it. Our culture is what’s normal to us. But while the value of hospitality is shared, how different cultures express it can be very different.
What anthropologists have called “hot-climate cultures” typically express spontaneous hospitality. Visitors can drop by any time without an appointment or invitation. Guests are invited into the home and share drinks or food if it’s mealtime. The guests are not imposing on their hosts because they simply join in with whatever schedule or activities the host is involved in. If they are visiting from out of town, accommodation is often provided and the host takes care of all the expenses. Hosts typically wouldn’t take guests out to a restaurant because that’s not personal enough. If an invitation is made to go out to eat or for entertainment, it includes the expectation that the inviter will pay the bill. The host is concerned with making the guest feel welcome and comfortable. Likewise in church, the host church wants the visiting pastor to feel welcome and respected, thus giving them a spontaneous opportunity to share.
But “cold-climate cultures” typically express arranged hospitality. Visitors either must be invited, or make an appointment before coming to visit. Visits often take place at a neutral location like a restaurant or coffeeshop. If it is at home, the host has everything prepared in advance so they can give their undivided attention to the guests. If the guests are visiting from out of town, they are expected to arrange for their own accommodation and they themselves are responsible for all expenses. When invitations are made to go out to eat or for entertainment, everyone is expected to pay their own way unless previously stated otherwise. In these cultures, the guest is the one concerned with not inconveniencing or imposing on the host. So both cultures are actually being considerate and thoughtful, it’s just a difference of who is inconveniencing themselves for the other.
It’s easy to imagine how confusion would arise when cultures collide. Perhaps an African family feels that their Western neighbors are cold and unfriendly because they’ve never spontaneously come over for a visit, but all along the Westerners have just been waiting for an invitation. Perhaps the Westerners finally pick up on the spontaneity idea and drop in on their neighbors, but they end up being offended because their African hosts are continuing about their daily activities rather than giving their guests their undivided attention. Perhaps the Westerners invite their African neighbors out to a restaurant, then when the bill comes they ask for separate checks. Hopefully the neighbors brought some money!
So how does one deal with such culture clashes? Simply understanding these cultures differences is the first step. Recognizing the culture of your guests/hosts to set your expectations accordingly is the next. Then finally interacting with grace, love and humility is always essential. Then hopefully we can all learn to be both good guests and good hosts and enjoy the depth provided by cross-cultural friendships.
