Why I Am (Still) a Christian

I first became a Christian when I was 5 years old. I vaguely remember one of my parents sitting at my bedside telling me about Jesus, and I decided heaven sounds like a way better option than hell, so I chose Jesus. Growing up in the church, I got born-again again any time a preacher talked about hell, just to make sure I meant it for real this time. I also learned to navigate Christian legalism by doing the right things and avoiding the wrong things. I went to Sunday School and youth group and didn’t smoke or drink, and I was applauded for being a “good little Christian.” But as my sinful nature grew to maturity, fear of eternal damnation, family tradition, or some legalistic moral code weren’t gonna cut it as motivations to cling to Christianity. I needed something greater.

Jesus liked to tell stories, which is good because I like stories. Jesus said the kingdom of God is like a man who unearthed a treasure in the middle of a field. He quickly reburied it, and joyfully sold all he had to purchase that field. Again, he told of a jewel merchant who found a pearl so valuable that he too sold everything he had in order to buy it. Jesus’ stories challenged my paradigm of Christianity as a religion of Law and duty and eternal destiny. He described something so great and valuable that one would joyfully forsake all else to obtain it. Either Jesus didn’t understand Christianity very well, or I didn’t.

Another thing Jesus said was, “I came that they might have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). My understanding of eternal life had to do with sitting around heaven forever and ever. Honestly, it sounded kinda boring to me. But this abundant life seems different than eternal life. Eternal life seems to imply quantity, starting now and continuing forever. But ‘abundant’ is a qualitative word. It describes the quality of that life. Not only will it last forever, but it will be full, fruitful, desirous, satisfying! That kind of life sounds great! I would gladly forsake all else to obtain that abundant life! But it certainly wasn’t to be found in my Christianity of religious duty. It was time for me to put my childish Christianity behind me and relentlessly seek this life Jesus had to offer.

The missing piece came in this truth, that God Himself is that infinitely valuable treasure. He alone is ultimately satisfying. In Him “there is fullness of joy” (Psalm 16:11). We are commanded to “delight [ourselves] in the Lord” (Ps 37:4). Our greatest happiness/enjoyment/satisfaction is found in God alone because He is infinitely and supremely valuable! And when we find our ultimate satisfaction in God we demonstrate to the world that He is indeed supremely valuable. That’s what worship is, attributing worth to something. So being satisfied in God is worshipping God! By finding our greatest joy in Him, we are giving Him glory! Pastor and author John Piper says it this way, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him” (Desiring God, 50)

Conversely, sin is finding our satisfaction in anything other than God. Certainly God has given us all things for our enjoyment (1 Tim 6:17). But those are only secondary pleasures, which find their ultimate source and fulfillment in God. When we seek our ultimate satisfaction and joy in lesser things, we are attributing more worth to them than we are to God. We are worshipping them, and thus committing idolatry. So all sin is ultimately a form of idolatry.

In a stirring passage, C.S. Lewis wrote:

“If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” (The Weight of Glory, 2)

I was always told that Christianity is not a religion, but a relationship. Religion seems to emphasize duty, whereas relationship emphasizes love. A man does not compliment or give gifts to his wife out of mere duty, but out of love. Love will always be a stronger motivation than duty. Christianity is not about doing the right thing rather than the wrong thing, or believing the right doctrine rather than the wrong doctrine.* It’s about loving supreme value rather than insignificance. Satan and sin can only offer us what Piper calls “two-bit, low-yield, short-term, never-satisfying, person-destroying, God-belittling pleasures of the world” (Desiring God, 20). Only God can give us ultimate satisfaction, because He alone is ultimately valuable.

I am still a Christian because I came to understand what true Christianity is all about. It’s more than a set of rules telling me what I can and can’t do. It’s more than some kind of fire insurance for the afterlife. It’s more than rousing some temporary spiritual emotion. It’s about finding my satisfaction in the One of greatest value, namely God Himself. He is the Treasure I can joyfully forsake everything else to obtain. So I can say with Peter and the apostles, “Lord, to whom else shall we go? You alone have the words of eternal life” (John 6:69).

* Naturally, as we love God and find our satisfaction in Him, we will delight in holiness rather than sinful behaviors and thought patterns, and we will delight in true doctrine over false teaching. Thus behavior and doctrine are an essential part of Christianity, but perhaps not as central as some Christian groups have made them each to be. Are not the Greatest Commandments to love God and love others (Matt 22:37-40)? It’s about love, not duty. Yet, if one loves, he necessarily fulfills his duty out of love.